My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
