dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize