Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
