sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
