He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
