I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
