just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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