problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
