I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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