Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
