You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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