dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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