went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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