and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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