He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
