My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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