I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
