I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
