i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
