i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
