her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
