It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
