i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
