I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
