dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
