like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
