Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Randomize
