i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
