I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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