FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
