Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
In America we eat man semen.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
