I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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