I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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