I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
