I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize