Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just had sex on a roof
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
