This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
