can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
