Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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