Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
