In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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