It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
