I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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