she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
