i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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