We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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