ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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