I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
