i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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