Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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