There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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