I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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