I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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