epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
