He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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