so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
