all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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