If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
