these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
