im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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