so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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