Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
look no pants
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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