when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
