I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
4 words: hood of his car
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
