please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize