I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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