Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
